There seems to be a pattern to my frustrations... I let things build up to the point of exhaustion and only then do I decide to make a drastic change. That, I think, is characteristic of me as a person, particularly in relation to my own anxiety problems... I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, but I used to cycle like that every few weeks.... I'd let all my frustrations and problems and negative thoughts build over about 3 - 4 weeks, then have an awesome meltdown and let it all out... usually without making any significant changes, thus ensuring that I would be facing another meltdown in about a month's time. I do still have 'meltdowns'... but nowhere near that kind of frequency. And when I do, I talk about it... usually with my amazing partner, who helps me to vent and then also make decisions and become a better person.
I did have depression. I guess, maybe hormonally or whatever, I still do - it's not a condition that can be cured miraculously. It's quite possible that all of my mental conditions - depression, anxiety, OCD, narcolepsy - are all connected in some way. I don't really know how, or if that's even possible, but I think that there are probably a lot of people out there with similar conditions to me, going through similar circumstances, asking similar questions about their immediate and long term future. It's hard... but knowing that I'm not the only one doing it makes it easier, puts it in perspective... yeah, I have trouble holding down employment, but I have a degree, I'm pursuing post-graduate education, I have a fantastic relationship, supportive family, sensational friends and the ability to work, albeit a limited ability. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a condition so debilitating that it takes even some of those things away... those people should be the ones venting on this blog, not me.
But.... it's my blog!!! So I'll vent for them. Occasionally.