In terms of work, things are looking better and better. I have today and tomorrow off, Tuesday on, Wednesday off, Thursday on... and then the whole 4 day Easter weekend off!!! I slept for 11 hours last night and damn it felt good. I'm going to see if they need anyone in on any of the Easter weekend days, but if they don't... oh well!! Then I have Tuesday and Thursday and then 6 days off in one go, because I'm heading to Wagga for a residential school. That is where my next brainly concern comes in.
Uni and studying has now come to the forefront of my thoughts, since work has been sorted for the time being. Research indicates that narcoleptics can have difficulty with studying, mainly due to the tiredness and the effect it can have - either having to stop studying in order to sleep, or finding it hard to focus and retain information. I'm having both of these problems and I have been thinking about my study potential quite a lot. I mean.... I have a degree already, in music education. I did that over 4 years, during a time where I definitely had the narcolepsy but hadn't been diagnosed. So if I could do it then, why can't I do it now??
The fact is, when I was doing my first degree, I was exhausted. I was falling asleep in lectures ALL the time, missing crucial information, completely embarrassing myself in front of my classmates and lecturers. I even fell asleep during a big band concert and let me tell you, that is fucking hard - 18 musicians blasting in an echoey concert hall is hard to drown out, but sleep conquers all!! I would fall asleep on the train to and from uni all the time, much to the chagrin of my boyfriend and my other friend who would be taking the trips with me... I guess they felt they had to be quiet so I could sleep, so they would get bored not being able to talk, plus because I was sleeping they couldn't talk to me so they had to talk to each other. I would fall asleep in the library, I would go into practice rooms, turn out the light and curl up in the corner and nap. And yet... I passed. With a credit average!! This time around though... it is so much harder. I failed both subjects last year, and it's looking like I'm going to clock up another failure this semester. I don't like failing.
There are many reasons why I was successful then and failing now. I was talented at music - I got music. I had already been teaching for about 4 years before I started studying education. So learning about concepts and musical theory and educational practice wasn't necessarily that difficult - it all made sense in my brain already. Studying science, biology.... my brain isn't really wired in that direction. All these concepts - molecules, cells, chemical reactions - it is all totally foreign. It's interesting, and I'm definitely doing it because I'm interested in it, but it's just not being absorbed the way that music was.
So.... now I'm having to look at my education and the choices I have been making over the past 3 years or so... and wonder if this is the way I'm meant to go. Am I really going to be able to get another degree?? At this stage.... I don't think so. Not because I'm stupid, but because I just don't think I can make it work for me, unless it's in music, or a creative field. So I guess the next thing is..... can I really be a vet nurse, or work in the animal science industry? Should I move away from that and stick to what I'm talented at, music et al?? Do I want to??
Mmmmm. Funnily enough, these questions aren't making me sad, or angry. Yeah, maybe narcolepsy is kind of narrowing the choices for me.... but I still have choices. How many people can say that?