I took two Modafinil today.... and I don't feel hyperactive. In fact, I felt kind of sleepy during the day still. I haven't had a sleep during the day today - I did yesterday, for about an hour and a half after I came home from work which wasn't the most productive thing to do... woke up, had dinner, went back to bed. Blah. Work is so hard because I have to focus so much, particularly around my new boss. He seems to be perpetually cranky, which makes things hard for everyone to begin with, but I basically end up doing EVERYTHING wrong whenever I'm in his presence and it is so annoying. I'm not an idiot, an imbecile, a moron. I am intelligent and clever and a good learner. But shit, I'm not a fucking mind reader and I do not have the power to go into a full time job and magically learn EVERYTHING about the joint. Thus far I have managed to keep my cool and just suck it up and say nothing when I end up looking like an idiot, but deadset... I am this close to cracking it randomly. If they're not going to properly train me, and just assume that I'll learn as I go, well then they better bloody well understand that I'm going to make a hell of a lot of mistakes in the process. Not to mention annoy everyone around me with questions and queries and eventually palming off stuff to other staff because I don't know how to handle it so it's quicker to get someone who does know. I don't like doing that though.... I'd rather do it myself so I can learn it as well.
Anyway. I need to keep calmer.... being frustrated is actually really tiring. I just want to do the right thing and to have the rest of the staff understand that I am NOT stupid. I'm a good person!!! I'm just trying to do the right thing.