It is quite possibly the absolute opposite of what my life was like this time last year. I was coming to the end of my first term working at my new school and I was utterly shattered, so tired I was coming home crying most days, desparately seeking sleep wherever and whenever I could. The amount of times these last few weeks that I have wished I was back at that stage is ridiculous. Since leaving that job, I've had a smattering of casual days, but for the most part... nothing. And while yes, I now have all the time in the world to sleep and feel rested, it most certainly comes at a cost.
For those of you who have even an inkling of intelligence and find yourself wishing for retirement, or weeks off on end to do with what you please... it is nowhere near as wonderful as what you may dream it to be. I have been bordering on depression for at least the last month and it gets harder and harder to fight it off every day. I can't begin to describe how ego-shatteringly awful it feels to not have a job to go to, not even have a job to APPLY for, and to be ignored or discarded for the jobs I do apply for. To know that I had to walk away from the most perfect job I have ever had, because of my narcolepsy, haunts me every day. To be so desparate for work that I find myself thinking that maybe I should just apply for full time work and suffer the narcoleptic consequences by doubling my medication dose and trying not to drive too much... it's awful. I haven't felt this down in a long time.
Not to mention the fact that I'm halfway through a postgraduate qualification that will make me better qualified... for a job I don't have.
I don't know what would be worse right now... working so hard that you hit exhaustion, or working so little that you can barely motivate yourself to wake up. I've experienced them both and I'm finding it hard to choose. Why does my life perpetually have to be a choice between the two?