These last few weeks my life has sort of gone back to what it was like around uni time - intellectually stimulating days, not necessarily a lot of physical work, and lots of things to do. Luckily I haven't had the late nights to go with it. It's all kind of practice for what I'm anticipating will be a busy year next year. I'm driving back and forth between mine and my boyfriend's house, teaching at 2 different schools at either end and all the while thinking, thinking, thinking. Going back to teaching has been like a brain explosion... I'm having to devise lessons, think about all the students I need to cater for, analysing music, managing behaviour, all the while dealing with my own anxieties and worries like... WILL I STAY AWAKE????
Actually, I haven't been too worried about that. These drugs, the Modafinil, have really been so much better than the dexamphetamine. I know I'm tired, especially right now, but I don't think I've felt like randomly falling asleep for a long time now. Even in the car I'm heaps better, which is such a relief. I haven't had to pull over and nap for a long time now, whereas for a while there it was at the stage where any trip along a motorway longer than 20 minutes had to have a nap factored in to the travel time. Now I can feel the tired but push through despite it.
The only downside I can see to this is the way it's affecting my memory and ability to concentrate and maintain focus. I am absolutely abysmal with names these days, which is a horrendous quality in a teacher - students don't seem to understand that it's much easier for them to remember one teacher than it is for one teacher to remember a million names. I'm making the best effort I can, but when I'm running on not much sleep my cognitive abilities can take a bit of a dive. I'm hoping to get some good sleep tonight at least.... the upcoming week and a half is going to be ever so slightly mental. And it's not even Christmas!!!
And then there's next year. Still unsure of what it may hold.... teaching... tutoring... playing... a Masters?? Can a narcoleptic girl do all this AND have a social life AND have a cat?? Damn straight.