This week, to put it bluntly, has been crap. I had been exhausted every day, working or not. Yesterday was dreadful... I got 12 hours sleep, woke up late, struggled to get out of bed, forced myself to go out and do things rather than eat breakfast and go straight back to bed, only to find myself totally worn out by 2pm after doing basically nothing and having to stop into a random car park and sleep for half an hour. It was absurd. I was almost walking asleep around my local shopping centre, all I could think about was getting into my car and just zonking out. The nap didn't help either.
That's not even the worst of it. I have been getting even more scatterbrained than usual. Concentrating on what people say is getting sooooo much harder, I find myself asking people to repeat what they've just said more and more and if I don't write it down, it is literally just gone, not even in the vicinity of my short term memory. It's awful, particularly when I'm talking to my boss. I feel like I'm just annoying him unnecessarily. I threw out all the mail on Thursday. I don't even remember doing it. I can remember getting the mail out of the mail box, seeing that there was something there for me.... and that's it. It was only because I searched through our recycling that I managed to retrieve it. Good thing too.... it had my new health fund card in it, and my housemate's group certificate for her tax. Shit hey.
I decided that I should increase my dose, so I'm now on 300mg of Modafinil a day. And I need to see my specialist again. I wasn't meant to see her until November but things just really aren't good right now. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep my job. They have been so good to me too... I mean, it's been hard with some people just really not understanding what it's like and just assuming I'm lazy or whatever, but they really have been good to me, letting me to part time instead of full time etc. Plus they fixed my cat for next to nothing. I don't want to put them in a difficult position by leaving, but I also don't want to be going in there every day and appearing to be this daffy blonde with a goldfish memory, and not doing all her work because she's too exhausted.
Some days.... I just hate this.