* I remember falling asleep in Legal Studies a lot in Year 11 and wondering why my teacher never roused on me for it.
* I used to teach in the afternoons. I would go to a school, take a few small ensemble classes, then race back home to get as much nap time in as possible before my private lessons would start.
* I used to fall asleep on the train to and from uni, almost every single day. It was an hour journey, so it made for a good long nap time. I would then have to suffer reprimands from the two other people that I journeyed with, "Why couldn't you stay awake?? Makes the train trip really boring." I'd feel really awful about it, and try desperately to stay awake... but it would never work.
* I remember having micro sleeps during gigs, as in while I was actually playing. This is the only example of 'automatic behaviour' that I can think of doing... I would look ahead in the piece of music and then close my eyes and keep playing. Occasionally I would actually drop out for a second and then the guilt of losing my place would wake me back up and I'd get back into it.
* I used to sleep during lectures at uni, aaalllll the time. Once I zonked out during a big band gig, which is an incredibly difficult skill to master given how friggen LOUD big bands are. I would always be incredibly embarrassed by my behaviour during lectures. Our classes were so small that any time I fell asleep it would be incredibly obvious, not just because I'd be the only one asleep in the class but also because I twitched. I hated it, I felt so rude.
I always attributed my sleepiness, lack of energy and lack of concentration to depression. Maybe part of it was due to that, but most definitely narcolepsy played the major role all these years. Knowing what I know now is great, for the future... but it doesn't help what I did in the past. I was incredibly rude to a lot of my lecturers, unintentionally, but who would have known that at the time? For all they knew I was just a typical kid, staying out late and partying and feeling the after effects the next day. It was never like that... every time I felt myself shutting down I would try so hard to keep my eyes open but it was like my body had made the choice for me... my eyelids would become heavy, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on what the guy was saying... gone.
Above all, though, what I hate the most about this is the way my symptoms led me to make some incredibly awful decisions about my life. One in particular takes the cake - breaking up with my partner of four and half years last year. There were other factors, to an extent... but the ones I focused on were ones that were wrong, now that I know everything. I mean, for him, things worked out great - he got together with someone new about a month after we broke up, has a great career, got everything going for him. So I guess it was a good decision, since he's so happy without me. It just frustrates me no end that I can't go back with what I know now and explain why I was feeling certain ways and why I behaved in certain ways. Who knows, maybe the outcome would have been the same, but maybe it wouldn't have. Decisions were made out of ignorance, and that disappoints me no end.